


Regarding Deadpool Movies

by killypool



Series: Wade Wilson [1]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 06:03:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18515386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killypool/pseuds/killypool
Summary: various headcanons related to Wade Wilson's thoughts about the events of both movies. written stylistically or nonsensically.





	1. Post-Getting Saved; Thank you, Cable

**Author's Note:**

> These headcanons - and everything in this series - are specific to my portrayal of Deadpool. Everyone's allowed their own opinions of the guy and the franchise, but I write him over on killypool.tumblr.com, so this is just for me to have everything nice and neat and organized.

trigger warnings for suicidal thoughts and ideations::

he’s angry at cable. he knew what he was sacrificing, what was at risk, what it would mean. and he wanted it. with russell saved, he did his last good deed. wouldn’t it be nice to know you were going out on a good note? the mercenary was turned into a martyr, gone out saving a child, gone out protecting family. he won’t confront cable, won’t dare let cable know that particular weakness of his now that he’s survived yet again. but getting that time machine fixed is his revenge - a desperate attempt to get back a reason to live.

he’s not ashamed to admit how much his life was built around Vanessa. it kills him every night he lays to sleep because he never dreams of her - he’s only allowed to see her in the moments he’s closest to joining her, and god isn’t that an intrusive thought if you ever had one. his dreams aren’t of vanessa, but they get better. at first, he dreams of oceans without water, arcades without light and music and color. he dreams in shades of grey, everyone moving in slow motion like this purgatory is dragging on until the end of time itself.

but he’s allowed a comfort. endless greys turn into cool metal, bands of chrome and lengths of cable, and maybe you don’t need to dream in color to see something beautiful. but if those dreams are just dreams, visions in his head while his head is in a pillow, and if he keeps waking up alone in the cheapest apartment a contract killer can buy, it will never be enough.

kübler-ross makes her return - only now wade is stuck on bargaining. if the time machine is fixed, if that collar is strapped on one more time, if he goes out in a fiery enough blaze of glory — and he’s not moving past it anytime soon. but he’s better at hiding it. you won’t know unless you watch him as he wrenches himself awake every time a dream about metal gets too vivid. you won’t know unless you’re ellie and you start to question the insistence to get the machine repaired, voice bordering on desperate if he asks if it’s even possible. you won’t notice unless you’re weasel and you know that wade has taken a dozen of those cards at once, and he doesn’t return home unless he needs more bullets. you won’t know because if he tells anyone what he wants and how he’s going to get it, he runs the risk of it being ruined yet again, and wade can survive anything, but he can’t survive that.


	2. Vanessa, Cancer, and Civilian Casualities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These headcanons - and everything in this series - are specific to my portrayal of Deadpool. Everyone's allowed their own opinions of the guy and the franchise, but I write him over on killypool.tumblr.com, so this is just for me to have everything nice and neat and organized.

wade was living for vanessa. he was depressed before her - not suicidal because he didn’t believe that was right. he would’ve rather lived in a blur waiting for his own idiocy to get himself killed - then she came in and she loved him in ways he wasn’t ready to love himself and she was a distraction from his pain until she wormed close enough to him for him to be willing to tell her anything and when he got cancer, he did the treatments just so he could be around for her. he needed her so badly and then she became a casualty for him.

a civilian killed. something that always killed him in the army - he hated women and children even SEEING war but he fought because he had to believe that it was going to end. he killed because no one else was willing to. he did all this because his own life was worthless enough to sell his soul and to risk his life but having vanessa die was the most painful thing that could ever happen to wade. anyone wade gets close to he isn’t willing to lose. that’s a no go. he never wants to lose anyone else close to him after losing his mom, and “like toy soldiers” by eninem is a super good song for him and I’ll go into an explanation of why later but uh wade not caring about the x force dying off is a big fucking no because life doesn’t seem sacred to wade when you think of his kill count but he doesn’t want anyone good to die. at all. that’s what he’s spent his life trying to prevent.


	3. Wade and playing well with others

Wade doesn’t like people when he first meets them. A lot of innocent people at heart Wade just immediately trusts like Yukio and Dopinder and hell he even immediately likes Peter and Domino. He makes it clear he likes them. He’s extremely affectionate with them.

But other people? He’s slow to warm up. He wants to hate the idea of people. He wants to create a separation. He wants to put up walls. He wants to make people dislike him. He wants to scare people off, and on a deeper level, he wants to see who cares enough to break past that. He has an idea of people in his mind and breaks them down to a single character trait so he doesn’t get attached. Colossus was the dogooder who wanted him to be a hero. Cable was the guy trying to kill a kid. Negasonic was just an angsty kid. But once he’s forced to see them in a new light, they accidentally get themselves stuck in Wade’s heart and Wade will always value them. Always. Even when he thinks colossus hates him (and he knows colossus has a right to hate him and he knows he’ll never deserve colossus) he still held colossus in extremely high regard. He continues to hold negasonic in extremely high regard and there’s really nothing she could do that would change that. Wade is always going to love these people no matter what happens.

Vanessa was an outlier. As soon as he started talking to her, she clearly wasn’t that sort of childish innocent he’s drawn to. But he was so blown away by her wit and her willingness to joke with him and her ability to stand up for herself that he didn’t have the strength to keep his walls up. He let himself be vulnerable starting that first moment because he didn’t know what else to do around her.


	4. Wade makes very bad decisions

after vanessa’s death, wade was fully prepared to to die. he was willing to try anything - any manner of ways, all ending in similarly anticlimactic results. were colossus not to have interrupted him, he would have continued and eventually came upon a solution.

especially after the final fight in deadpool 2, wade would get an idea. if he needed a break, needed some time of just disappearing and hiding away and not having to be in pain, he just had to use his head. his head, and a knife. or two knives. 

he’s not dying, so it’s not a suicide note his writing. just a temporary goodbye note. to whomst it may concern, pull this blade out of my head. but not unless canada’s about to win a stanley cup. if america wins it one more fucking time, just leave me like this. if he gets it in just the right place, it’s gloriously almost a coma. as close as he can get. 

chances of him doing this while he’s by himself without vanessa are high, particularly if he feels abandoned by any of the other people he feels close to. it’s not the best solution, but it’s a solution.


	5. Russell and inconsistencies between theatrical cut and super duper cut

so first off, we see russell arrive at the essex home for rehabilitation. this now gives us a slight timeline of russell’s stay there. he had  _5_  incidents in which he went full flame on and started to destroy things. based on the end scene, we can assume there was a timeline of russell slowly becoming more and more powerful with his use of his fists. we don’t know how long he’s been there, but we can assume it’s likely been less than a year - probably closer to a few weeks to a couple of months. a couple of months of regular abuse and neglect. 

we see russell go into the home where we find out he was picked off the streets/likely arrested for picking locks - i’m assuming for theft? here, he’s informed that the essex house has no locks for him to pick. what will keep him there is the knowledge that he doesn’t deserve anything greater. so. awesomely hurtful emotional manipulation there. this now explains the incidents in dp2 where russell was able to pick a lock (getting out of his cell on the van and later trying to get the collar off of wade). 

scenes of russell’s abuse at the essex house were shown in full rather than a flashback, which was heart wrenching, but we’re also given a sad image of russell standing over his bed in a way that’s later echoed in the scene of them entering their prison. 

  


we’re also given a longer scene of wade and russell talking in the jail cell. russell states that he just wish he had been able to stand up for himself instead of wishing for someone to save him. his whole life he had been waiting for someone to come save him, but he “should have known no one would sacrifice themselves for me.” at this, wade’s eyes tear up (which makes a heartbreaking amount of sense in the context of wade’s own abusive father and wade’s past history of murdering/attacking abusers and stalkers. wade, now completely powerles, is unable to make a worthwhile sacrifice for russell. all he can do is urge russell to befriend anyone else. 

  


this gives a ton of context to wade’s sacrifice at the end. not only was it done deliberately in response to what russell stated here in the ice box, but it was  **[exactly what wade needed to do to move on in life.](http://killypool.tumblr.com/post/175831477432/wade-and-your-hearts-not-in-the-right-place) **wade needed, more than anything, to be able to sacrifice himself for someone else. all his life, wade was willing to die. all his life, death would have been a  _mercy_  to wade. but now, wade is able to take his life and use it to help someone. 

in dying for russell, he’s  _proving_  to russell that he cared for him. he’s showing russell - an abused boy who never had a family - in the only way he could that his feelings were genuine. he did what russell  _said_  he always needed. he sacrificed himself for russell. which makes russell’s soft and almost disbelieving ‘you sacrificed yourself… for me.’ that much more meaningful. russell realizes that 1. wade is going to die for him. 2. wade had listened to him in the ice box. 3. wade cared for him.

and wade’s response? ‘yeah, and it was the best thing i ever did.’ confirms to russell that  _yes,_  he knew what he was doing and  _yes,_  he was proud of his choice in a war that wade had never been before. every choice he’d made before in his life were ones that wade wasn’t proud of (’i’m not a hero.’ he’ll never think of himself as a good guy.) 

also? fun fact? wade’s reason for living in dp was vanessa. he survived before her, but he  _lived_  when he was with her. he  _lived_  when he had a chance of being with her. with her gone, he latched onto colossus as a replacement after colossus’ speech in the mansion (evidenced by his  _genuine_  effort to fit in at the x mansion). so when he made the decision to shoot russell’s abusers, he gave up his chance at a happy life as colossus’ friend. he knew that what he did would make colossus hate him, but he couldn’t think of another solution. he sacrificed himself in ways russell would never (and will never) know before russell even knew his name. 

so when wade’s eyes water as russell states that no one will ever sacrifice themselves for him? a  _significant_ part of it could be that wade’s sacrifice wasn’t enough for russell. but this one is.


End file.
